Mommy Melt Down

OK, so I've been a slacker about updating this blog. But don't worry, I'm back and ready spill my guts. Over the past 2-3 weeks lots has happened. In my last update I told you about the Ear Nose and Throat doctors visit, but I have not been able to update you about what happened.
At the visit Dr. Foster informed Chris and I that Bryant did need tubes. After a lengthy discussion he told me that if I could get him out of day-care he may not need tubes. Needless to say my heart broke at the thought that something I had allowed him to do resulted in him having health problems. Now, for all you mom's who's babies had tubes please don't think that I have issues with those wonderful inventions that make life so much easier. I know that its an easy surgery and for most it is a welcome event. But, for some reason, I just couldn't let this thought go, "I needed to do something". It was like this ache in me that I couldn't let go of. And for those of you who prayed that I would know what to do, your prayers were answered, because when we got home I told Chris that I didn't care if we had to sell the house and the car and do without all the luxuries that we had, one of us needed to be at home full time with Bryant. I didn't care if it was him or me. But this mommy couldn't stand him being sick any more. Of course, my sweet husband needed to pray about this. I don't even know how many days passed before he decided that he would tell his employers he would be leaving work to be a stay at home dad. What a great Dad Bryant has. I don't know many men who would give up their careers to keep a baby. Deep in my heart I didn't think that Chris would be happy at home, but he seemed to think that he would be fine.
After discussion with his employers he told me that they asked him how much it would take to keep him there and let me stay at home. So, that night we made out a budget and laughed at the thought that they would be able supply the need. But, little did we know that God had other plans. Chris gave them the numbers and we never expected the reply that we got.
Chris called me at home and his words brought me to tears. "Well, I got the raise and a new job."
I didn't quit crying the rest of the day. In my heart I believed that God would make a way for one of us to be at home. I just thought that since we couldn't live off of Chris' income alone and we could make it on mine, that logically I would be the one to work. For once, I didn't doubt God. I knew that the feeling I couldn't let go of was from God. I was determined that I was not going to fail the test this time. I passed the test of believing alright, but I limited God to my perspective. He gives to us out of HIS abundance!!!! He gives to us in a way we don't expect. He gave us exactly what we needed and it had nothing to do with what I thought was right or logical. Chris and I know that we experienced a miracle. If we never see another we know that God sees us right where we are and desires to give us the very best, even better than what we ask or imagine. What a gracious God we serve.
Last Friday was Bryant's last day of Day Care. His WONDERFUL aunt Lisa will be keeping him most of the summer. But along with a little help from my mom, Chris' mom and Merissa, Bryant has his summer full while I finish my time at work. He will spend most of his summer with Lindsey and Dillon who he LOVES.
I have to take Bryant back to the ENT on the 15th of this month and I know that we still may have to get tubes for Bryant, but I know that we did what was best for him and that makes me happy beyond belief. I'd also be crazy to believe that God can't heal Bryant. He's already proved to us that he will do more than we imagine. So, for now I will just pray for God's will to be done and FULLY trust that no matter what.....God loves Bryant more that I do, he will do what he desires, and I will give Him GLORY for all that he does.